From the same people who brought you top ten festival tips, here it is, your complete guide to ensure the best holiday possible. It’s that time of the year, where everyone becomes so bored with the British weather we have to jet off elsewhere to catch some rays whilst avoiding catching anything else. So, here at Unfold Student Life we would like to give you ten tips in angst of improving your holiday, whether you are on the lad’s holiday of a lifetime or a girl’s getaway.
1. What happens on holiday, stays on holiday
That is until the photos end up on Facebook. Make sure you are the one who takes the camera, that way you get to decide what photos go on. Don’t show your parents the photos, no-one wants to explain why they were skinny dipping the night before.
2. If your friend is being sick, point and laugh
With the amount of shots, bottles and doubles you will be planning on consuming, chances are you won’t be able to keep that in your stomach. It will happen to you and it won’t be that enjoyable so make sure you laugh when it is happening to others.
3. Know your pasty skin limits
I went to Bennicassim last year and ended up like this (see below)…
I was basically a tourist attraction for a few days when I took my top off every day. I’m used to creating all sorts of attention with this ‘bod’ but this was definitely not for the right reasons. People would come over to me and ‘Ooo’ and ‘Argh’ before I eventually got some sort of fluid with a skull and cross bones on the front of the bottle poured over me by a very loose looking Spanish nurse. I have felt violated ever since.
4. Avoid this
If you can’t avoid it, make sure you avoid denim.
5. Pounce on any chance to prank
We all love to get one over on our mates. You will not get any opportunity quite like on holiday. Something of similar stature to this will be something to have hold over them for years;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqq5fcPYrLs
6. Dance like a tit
Choose the attitude, I’m never going to see these people again and get on any dance floor and whack this little dance out. You’ll thank me later.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0aeuxaYZ7k
I have seen this work on Inbetweeners many times which is enough for me. Fast forward to 45 seconds and that’s how I dance.
7. Remember to turn your swag off at night
Chances are, you are on a small island. If word gets round about how frickin’ amazing you are, chances are you will wake up covered in bitches or guys and not even know why. It has happened to me many times*
*No it hasn’t
8. Don’t bother learning any of the country’s language before you go
Let’s be honest, people from Britain have been invading places all over the world and populating them with binge drinkers. We didn’t get there through learning any language; we got there by shouting louder and using more expressions.
9. Use protection
The chances of pulling are heightened when you have that much alcohol in you and everyone becomes a model. Avoid an embarrasing trip to the doctors and banter fuel for your friends. Here’s some of our favourite ways to tell you to use protection;
1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don’t be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don’t be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can’t go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you’re not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey
10. Make sure you have a tight speedo day
Speedo’s are a fashion crime on an international scale but it can be more tolerable in other places of the world. Pounce on the liberating opportunity that is wearing speedos but make sure the ‘S’ doesnt fall off like it did for mine, that can be a very different story.
Gold chain is optional but I think it’s a good look…
Written by David Williams (For and on behalf of UNFOLD Student Life)
